What actually happened this weekend:
      I went to a wedding; the bride was radient, the ceremony was lovely, and nobody objected. The reception was fun, I had too much champagne, and took a flying leap out of somebody's too-tall jeep (while it was stationery). I talked to a lot of people, wandered outside without a coat (after asking at the front desk how to get back to my hotel), and woke up in the correct bed without much of a hangover and with more beer than I'd brought.

What happened this weekend, in my head:
     During the reception, pirates came and took over the dollar dance, making sure that they got lots of booty and gold, then carried them off. Pirates would have made really good dj's. The at the hotel, beer goblins got into my cooler, multiplying with the beer fairies, which produced the Bud Light. It was cold outside and my chin hurt.

How this story would have been better:
     More pirates